Not there yet!

So, I feel like I'm on some sort of plateau, but I can see the mountaintop several hundred feet above me. Part of it is hidden behind the misty clouds and I don't know what lies atop. I'm sipping on my water bottle and I'm drained. My head is pounding. My muscles straining. I'm hallucinating, remembering that time I fell before. I know that this time is different. I have more experience, yet, I don't believe in myself. Suddenly, an angel appears and tells me that I'm getting in my own way--that all I have to do is shift my mind-set. If I could do that, the way would be clear. My steps would be firm. I would smile because of the happiness that awaited me. I would be grateful for how far I've already come...

Recently, I was asked to be the secretary of my alumni association. I've also been doing a good job on my temp assignments, despite the awkwardness of it all. I've even lost a few lbs. I am afraid that I am creating a false sense of security for myself. I need and want to get a real permanent job that won't derail the peace that I have achieved. I'm waiting to hear a word from above, but I can be more on earth to make this happen. I just need more time... (sigh) If only rent wasn't due...

Back 2 Skewl!

LOL! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy!!!! I got into grad school. I'm so excited to be beginning a new chapter in my life with an expanded vision. I'm looking forward to flexibility, academic stimulation, new friends, fun field assignments. Papers out the wazoo! It's all good. It's all God. I feel like after two really difficult years, the Lord is finally giving me permission to breathe again--to shine like I know I can. Now I have a lot to put into perspective. My life is going to be completely different. I am ready though. I'm curious. I'm mature this time around. I'll be able to get a lot more out of school. Maybe I'll even get my PhD one day. Baby steps, right? I'm stunned. I'm speechless. I still haven't processed everything fully. I feel like a great guy has just asked me to marry him. I promise to make the best of whatever comes. I am so proud and so grateful. I thank God for noticing me, for giving me what I need in my life---an outlet to do something just for me. A space to learn and inquire and grow--the way I want to. This has been missing in my life ever since I came to New York. I'm on my way to becoming more whole, but on the way there, I thank God for answering my prayers.