Two days ago I had sex on the beach. Literally. That's right--under the beauty of the black sky and the hazy moon with the light of the planes and stars reflecting on the cool rushing water, I let him come inside of me. It was an accident. It had been so long, and he was kissing me in all the right places. I feel like a woman again.
I met him about a month ago, coming back from Philadelphia on the Amtrak train. He tried to approach me and I ignored him at first, but he ended up standing in front of me in line for the train. I apologized and we ended up sitting together. He gave me the most intense hand massage and stared into my eyes. He told me how attracted to me he was and let my hand fall on his hardening private area. I acted like I didn't feel anything and jerked my hand away in embarassment. He walked me to the subway station and hugged me so tight he lifted me off the ground and asked me for a kiss on the cheek. (Yeah right) Yes, there was a certain sexual chemistry there that I wanted to investigate a little further, but he never called, so I scrapped the idea.
It's too bad he later found my number in the pocket of his pants! Like I said, it had been a while and I wasn't feeling very prudish to say the least. Plus, I had just had a fight with my ex-boyfriend and was feeling a little turned off by the idea of sex with emotional involvement. This would be just the ticket. Semi-intimacy.
This experience was different. I made him slow down and appreciate my body, none of that furious pounding allowed. It was sooo "sweet" as he would call it. We did it about seven times. It felt so good to just focus on my body and not my mind while someone passionately kissed and bit the nape of my neck and squeezed me so tight it left bruises. Not kidding! (That reminds me, I need to go get ice for my hickeys.) I later showed him and he was like "I did that?!" I think he knew, but who cares? Then the spooning! Oh my goodness, he is so cuddly it's unbelievable. I think it's because of his weight. He's self-conscious about it, but I love it. He's a man and he loves to eat. I don't mind that at all.
My head is clear now. I'm not sure if I want to see him again...I don't want to ruin a good thing. But I know I want sex to be a part of my life again--in balance. I feel transformed--not nearly as uptight as I have been the past seven months. This can be good in moderation, and it's okay because I don't have feelings for this guy, but I've got to be careful.
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